Ask Sadie
If you've got questions about your big day, our agony aunt, Sadie, is here to answer them. There's also an advice archive where you can find the solutions to all your wedding woes!

this week's question
Q. My future father-in-law is contributing to the costs of the wedding and appears to be under the assumption that he can have final say on all matters that he is paying for. Every decision we thought we had finalised - the menu, the seating plan, the guest list - he has tried to change. What can we do? We now just let him have his own way just to avoid the constant battle. Any suggestions?

A. Weddings are all about compromise, although it can seem impossible when your ideas are being scuppered by pushy parents! But don't give in. Planning a wedding has it's occasional bumps along the way, but you shouldn't have to 'let him have his own way just to avoid the constant battle'.

Planning your wedding is tricky enough without having to please everyone in the process. I think the thing to do in this situation is communicate and compromise.

Try to help him understand that you are afraid that this wedding might not feel like YOURS. Sit down together and try to decide what's most important to everyone - I'll bet you all have the same end in mind, just different ideas about how to get there. Sometimes just talking about why you want something a specific way will help you understand each other's point of view.

What if you explain to him that at this point you'd just as soon put the whole thing off, and do it your own way, at your own expense at a later date? Although drastic, this might help him see just how out of control you are feeling about your own day. Worst case scenario, you forgo his contribution entirely and look after extra expenses yourselves.

Hope this helps!
Sadie


advice archive
the bride
the bride's speech, who should walk you down the aisle, legal name changes, plus size gowns and wearing your wedding ring with long gloves...

the groom
something special when you're short on cash, romantic wedding day surprises and asking dad to be your best man ...

the wedding party
dis-interested bridesmaid, paying for attendant attire, and the bridesmaid's responsibilities...

sticky situations
my kids aren't invited, don't want gifts that aren't on our list, asking for cash instead of gifts, inviting estranged relatives, getting parents to cough up the cash, returning gifts when the wedding has been cancelled and alternative ceremonies when the divorce hasn't come through...

the ceremony
approved civil venues, marrying in the garden, a blessing ceremony, upbeat civil ceremony music and giving the bride away...

the reception
Las Vegas theme ideas, designing a seating plan, the order of the speeches and divorced parents at the top table...


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